Build Your Own International Snack Box

You know, I really think 2020 changed things for a lot of us. I found out that we were on lockdown for the first time while googling “build your own snack box UK” for the fourth time in a day. My boss, I’ll call her Lucy for the sake of confidentiality, was the one who sent the message.

The message read:

“Hey Team, you may find a little more time to create your own snack box for the next few weeks. I’ve just been informed we’re on lockdown, so the office will be closed for at least the next 63 days. We’re going to be using Microsoft Teams and Zoom to do a few meetings a day to keep everyone on the same page. In all honesty, I feel kind of bad because technology is not my cup of tea and I’d rather be at the office. But, anyway, our first meeting is today at 2:23 sharp. Be there or be square.”

She really sounded bummed about the whole ordeal. I considered going to one of those build your own international snack box websites and creating her a snack box filled with treats from her home country, Liechtenstein.

At 2:23, just as instructed, I jumped on the Zoom call. I wasn't surprised to find that all 11 of my coworkers were already logged in. Lucy was apparently not aware that we were live. She just kept saying, “I really want to build a snack box, but they don’t pay us enough.” Not to mention, she was drinking a two-liter of ginger ale straight from the bottle, and, best of all, she was doing all of this while using the potato filter. Yes, the potato filter. So there we were staring at a big spud drinking from a two-liter and muttering weirdness.

I have to say this about Lucy, she’s never been one to complain. One time, a fellow coworker ordered her customizable snacks and they showed up covered in rainbow sprinkles combined with Himalayan rock salt. She was a real trooper about it, and she’s been the same about the whole potato thing.

Soon after that first meeting, several of us emailed her to let her know that she was using the potato filter. She really took the thing in stride and just laughed it off, letting us all know that she would fix it before the next meeting at midnight. She explained that she was so caught up with her customizable international snack box that she must have accidentally hit a few extra buttons when logging on.

I assumed that must have been one impressive customizable snack box, but I refrained from asking what was in it. I could only assume it was something fermented, and it likely included some time of potato. Sometimes, if you customize your own snack box, you can pick out pickled bugs too, so that could’ve been to blame.

Lo and behold, when midnight rolled around and I logged into the next meeting, Lucy the Spud was still right there on the screen with everyone else.

After a few meetings with our Spud-faced bosslady, we all just gave up trying to tell her that she had a filter on. I mean, obviously she didn't know how to turn it off. Some of us even speculated that her kids were probably messing with her, and, honestly, the potato thing made our work meetings a little less drab than what they would’ve been. Plus, I started ordering a Japanese snack and drink box to have with every meeting, so there’s that.

Over time, and this is weird, she started acting like a potato. I know, I know—how does one act like a potato? What does that even mean? I can’t explain, really. All I know is she seemed a little … starchy. Sometimes, she even came off salty, just like the chewy treats I had in a one time Japanese snack box.

Lucy’s complexion has even changed. Like, she’s got a more tan skin on her arms now with these spots that look a little like emerging sprouts. At one meeting, Lucy literally said that all she could think about was Japanese snacks online, which is perfectly normal for someone like me who eats Japanese snacks All.The.TIme. But, for Lucy, if I told her to create your own Japanese snack box, she would’ve laughed.

The year of COVID definitely gave me and my coworkers a lot of laughs, many at the expense of poor potato-head Lucy looking straight up like you could use her head to make a Lay’s variety pack. Sorry, dumb joke, I know. I did consider asking her if she had ever considered a customizable snack box lay's style, but I didn’t.

In all seriousness, COVID is never a laughing matter, not the topic anyway, and not just because COVID made it impossible for me to get my favorite Lay’s variety. COVID’s not funny and never will be. BUT, some of the outcomes that stemmed from the pandemic, like our boss becoming a potato for over a year, is truly hilarious to think about. And like, damn—if there is one thing we were all excited for, it was to see Lucy again in person after the lockdown. I looked forward to that even more than my create your own snack box lay's style or my upcoming lay's your perfect mix.

In spite of our tendency to laugh at Lucy when she pops up on the screen looking like the world’s happiest Idahoan with that smile of hers and a snack gift box in hand, we do have a soft spot for her (no pun intended). The soft spot really doesn’t stop with our boss. I guess you could say we all are a little sweet on each other.

We exchange some of the best snack gift boxes during our annual celebration of National No Beard Day, which is on October 18th, if you’re curious. This last year, I chose to send out a snack box subscription to everyone since we had to miss out on our annual gala to celebrate the lack of facial hair. The boxes were outfitted with fake moustaches for everyone.

Seeing us, you would think the experience of COVID, lockdowns, and everything else made us all a little more kind to one another. But, no. We’ve always been that way. It really had never been a strange occurrence for random healthy snack box deliveries to show up at the office for anyone on any given day, but especially on Wednesday.

Finally, we did eventually get out of lockdown and back to work. We really all half expected to see that Lucy had indeed sprouted a root vegetable in place of her head, but, thankfully, she hadn’t. I can’t say that we all didn’t feel a little ache in our hearts because those potato Lucy days were over.

We had a lot of laughs, especially during the last meeting when she was trying to explain an international snack box, no subscription, that she’d gotten that had this delicious ketchup. For heaven’s sake, we all almost combusted from the inside out trying to hold back our laughter. It got even worse when she moved on to tell us that the international snack box even came with a cooking oil that went perfect with fresh fries. Yes, fresh FRIES.

Just the other day, we all went to lunch at this place (Yay! Restaurants are back!) that served only international snacks from an international snack store. They had this Spanish potato hash that was dehydrated and deep fried, and there was their weird moment, totally awkward I should say, when I was complimenting the hash, and for the life of me, I could not say the word potato with a straight face.

I’m not sure if Lucy will ever know the extent of joy she brought to us during lockdown. Honestly, we just don’t have the heart to tell her. She’s been amazing since we got back to life at the office, sending us these chips snack box gifts. Side note, I have to wonder what would happen if the employees at Amazon saw all their bosses walking around with potato heads. I mean, I bet they would have better days and a lot of laughs just like we all have.

The other day, Lucy decided to stop in at my cubicle and start a friendly conversation, and of course, the whole convo was related to potatoes. She asked me, “Did you know you can create your own variety pack chips?”

I literally almost died from the irony. She must’ve realized something was off because her next question was, “What’s wrong? Don’t you dream of your perfect mix chips? I mean, if you build your own snack box chips, you get all the potato flavors you want: salty, barbecue, plain, vinegary … I seriously dream about slicing up potatoes and making these perfect chips.”

I had no words. None.