Candy Snack Box

99% of people groan and instantly have traumatizing flashbacks when we say the word paperwork. Wait, no, that isn’t an actual stat, so don’t dare source me. I’m just saying.

Anyway! Like I was saying, my coworkers and I knew the last quarter’s reports were due. With that said, we chose to sit around and enjoy a candy snack box and talk about the world’s woes rather than prepare.

And, here comes the most problematic part of the whole ordeal - we have no way to split it up because we did absolutely nothing to prepare. The last quarter overshadowed the other three, and we knew it. We saw it coming. But, when it came, our supervisor had to get creative fast.

My office isn’t known for great works of art or even big ideas that could change the world. This explains how my supervisor landed on a game competition to make the whole paperwork thing fair. He threw in the best international snack box he could find to the winner. I would have asked for a dozen had I known how this would turn out. Hell, we should have demanded every candy from around the world because of the sheer amount of paperwork waiting for one of us.

We went home that night thinking for sure the bossperson would set up something like teams or one against one rounds. Surely, they would split it among the entire team, right? That’s the fair way, right? Big nope! It is not how it played out. At least there was a winning snack box, right?

So, fade into the next day. We all show up around the same time, per usual. But, we were not jovial; we were not enjoying a customizable snack box and coffee. The paperwork seemed to grow two times its size overnight, and dread filled our tired souls. I get it, dramatic, but I’m setting the scene.

Our supervisor called us into the conference room for our morning check-in. She had some unusual office supplies, but we were like, okay, maybe she found the answer. But, when she said we would play hangman (which was exciting, because word games are my shtuff). The not-so-exciting part? The ultimate loser would be the one doing all of the paperwork. The stress was real, and a potential customizable international snack box was not killing the pain.

Customizable snacks or not, we had no choice but to play and hope our skills kept us safe from the mountains of paperwork. I told my officemate, “Looks like you are just gonna have to customize your own snack box.” Schoolyard taunts never get old. Not even when you’re old.

So, let me set up scene two. It involves poster-sized white paper, red sharpies (oddly morbid), and our already tired brains. Our supervisor added a full snack box subscription to the first-place winner and made sure we understood that the ultimate loser got the bulk of the quarterly paperwork.

We obviously have trust issues. Because while explaining the rules, when she said she would choose the secret word, we wanted proof. I know bosses aren’t supposed to play favorites, but this was about retaining sanity and monthly snack subscription boxes.

Our great leader solved that problem pretty fast. She pulled out a sticky pad, quickly scribbled, and stuck it under the reception desk. “Now, no need to worry. Remember, the winner gets the best snack subscription boxes.”

I don’t know why she thought redacting the real point of this game (loads and loads of paperwork) would make us stress less, but she did. It felt like our own version of Squid Games. The loser gets drowned in paperwork, and the prize was better than just an international snack box no subscription.

The hangman game started. The expectation was that we would do our daily work while my supervisor supervised the tournament. But, that totally is not what happened.

The first sticky note went under the desk, and she announced she would hop from office to office to gather our guesses. At least it wasn’t just a regular American snack box we were fighting for. How boring.

I have zero clue what specific people were guessing. All I know is that they were doing it all wrong! I had this in the bag! I saw the letters M, N, and O go pretty fast. I’ve watched enough Wheel of Fortune to know how this goes, so I went with the tried and true A (and, no, not because I thought about American snacks. Still boring.)

I would have had better luck finding an American snack box Amazon because there was not a single A in the word.

Right, so this is where it starts to take a turn, and not for the better. The best snacks from around the world could not have soothed my pain. Before it was my go again, someone else had guessed the correct word (it took less than ten minutes). My coworker was now free to go about their day with no worries about paperwork and quarterly reports and they seemed perfectly fine without a snack box from around the world.

I told myself, the good news was that the snacks from around the world were still in my grasp. The bad news is that two more turns, twenty more minutes, and I had still not won a round.

My strategy was failing me, and so was my ego. Within an hour, it was just my office mate and me. What were the chances? I instantly knew this was going to cause grief for days to come.

I will not be releasing my office mate’s name for his own protection. Let’s just say after going back and forth with Hangman the rest of the day, there still was no winner. The international snack box was feeling less like a prize and more like something that was gonna bite one of us in the ass.

Googling snack box Amazon healthy together would have been healthier for our work relationship than this. Instead, I went home and Googled hangman strategy instead. I was beginning to believe that Squid Games would have been less stressful than this crap. But, I knew how I would approach tomorrow, and the best snack boxes on Amazon were still not going to be as good as defeating my coworker. Callousness, I know, but you were not there to understand the paperwork facing one of us. To the death! I would never have to Google snack box Amazon ever again. I would have that subscription!

Tomorrow came, and lunchtime came, and we were still battling it out like two prizefighters that refused to give up. A second day where I got nothing done, which meant that was piling up. The stress was causing me to lose hair, and my brain hurt. I said screw it and did my best not to think about hangman and work. But, they still came in the form of my nightmares.

We get settled into our desk for day 3 of this insanity. At least I was now developing an idea for a new reality show. Instead of cash, the winner gets a free snack box. (sarcasm, in case you were starting to really worry about my mental health).

There were no morning meetings on Fridays, but we still ended up with a call to the conference room. There sat all of our coworkers, and in front of them were their scribble-covered white papers. Then came the accusations that me and my officemate were colluding to cheat. For a snack box gift? No, because we did not want to get the paperwork done. It was some serious finger-pointing.

We said, fine, choose the game, and finish this. (again, it felt scarily like Squid Games). They voted without our input. A coin flip it was. At least it would be over, right? Nope, because they decided it was best two out of three. And, for every coin flip round win, we would get a $1 snack box (woo, big spenders).

On the first flip, I win. Second flip, he wins. Final flip - ****, I have three months of paperwork to catch up on by next Wednesday. It was Friday. So, now I had something to think about all weekend.

But, alas, I got it done and ordered a healthy snack box because a game of hangman nearly gave me a heart attack. It w