Corporate Gift Baskets Ideas

One person's obsession with Wimbledon triggers a British craze throughout the office. We might be Americans outside this building but walking in here is like hopping across the pond.

It all started when Hugh, the new guy from England who joined Shady Bacon as a sales associate almost a year ago.

Hugh’s a pretty cool guy. He’s also one of the few English dudes I know with straight teeth.

Anyway, Shady Bacon has been profitable. Sherry, the office manager who closely resembles Nurse Ratched, wants a list of clients and what kind of gifts to give by noon tomorrow. I make the mental note to try to get it done by then.

Truthfully, I’m a huge procrastinator. I wait until the last minute and hustle to get it done. But if there are distractions, you know I’m here to start or at least join in the shenanigans.

I’ve been with Shady Bacon for a while and am considered one of the top salesmen. Shady Bacon is in the healthy food business but not really.

What you think is a quinoa and cauliflower pizza with zucchini and faux sausage mushrooms is really what every man wants to eat: actual meat with none of that frou-frou vegan nonsense.

It’s just a front to appease nagging girlfriends and wives wanting their significant others to eat healthy.

One morning in late June, I noticed my office mate had set up a second monitor on his computer--one for his spreadsheet, the other to watch two guys in white duke hit a ball back and forth on a grass court.

I fired up my computer, ready to start the excel list I want to get corporate gifts for clients.

I hear tennis rackets hitting balls from Hugh’s computer along with loud grunts. Hmm.. sounds like tennis. I typed in corporate gift baskets ideas and gift basket ideas for employees in the search field.

I hear another loud grunt and Hugh bellows a loud yes!

Curious, I looked over, his arms still up in the air.

I headed over to Hugh’s desk.

I asked what he was watching, and he explained that it was Wimbledon, the most prestigious tennis grand slam tournament that happens in England every year.

“See, in England, tennis is the oldest sport in history. This prestige to play at Wimbledon is like no other. Way better than the US or French Open, mate,” Hugh explained.

He continues on about tennis until the intercom signals on. Sherry was on the other line, her voice shrill. She asked if he had his list for corporate gift baskets for employees.

“Yeah, sending it right now, Sherry!” He beeps off the intercom and clicks past the ads before starting the pre-recorded video again.

It was impressive to see the man multi-tasking.

“Do you have any ideas for luxury corporate gift baskets, Hugh?” I asked, peering over his shoulder as he typed corporate gift baskets for clients in the search field but continuing with his explanation of Roger Federer as the greatest tennis player of all time with his impressive 16 Grand Slams.

Sighing, Hugh swiveled his chair to face me.

“Ben, old chap. You have so much to learn here. It’s not just all work and no play. Tennis is the epitome of life.”

He hits SEND.

Pretty soon, a small crowd had gathered. Not many tennis fans, but everyone has seen either The Crown or Downton Abbey--or both.

“Oh, have you seen Dr. Foster?” asked Corinne.

A few women squealed, exclaiming they had.

“How is Ros even Gemma’s best friend? She’s horrible!”

George and Juna raved about their recent honeymoon trip to Sussex to visit her great aunt there.

“I love England and the whole culture, it’s so prim and proper,” said Juna.

I hear the intercom signal at my desk. It’s Sherry demanding my list of clients so that she can send the gourmet gift baskets. I tell her I’m still working on the list.

“They’re unique gift baskets right, Sherry? These are my customers, they deserve the best corporate gift baskets Shady Bacon can afford,” I say, playfully.

“Just send your list, Ben. Or I can tell corporate you’re not complying. Do it now.” I heard her signal off.

Geez, someone’s in a bad mood, I thought. It’s not even due until noon tomorrow.

I headed back to Ben’s corner. There was enough chatter to rouse the rest of the sales staff. Instead of selling faux plant-based steaks and broccoli mashed potatoes, the talk was all about England.

Someone suggested making an event out of it. By lunch, someone had procured strawberries and cream, the traditional Wimbledon snack. We started a competition to see who had the best British accent.

“Oi, Ben, did I tell you about Kerry? That’s essentially me lying me underwear. Not very cinematic ‘bout that,” George quips, explaining his massage with a British masseuse.

Sherry comes in carrying a gift basket for office staff. Everyone rushes over, fawning at the plethora of goodies ready to be eaten.

“Ben, have you sent your office gift basket ideas yet?” asked Sherry.

“You gotta answer in your British accent, Ben,” said Corinne.

“I will. I shall be thinking about what unique corporate gift baskets would make that leave them utterly speechless,” I said, realizing I sounded more like Michael Jackson than Michael Caine.

“Well, whatever it is, you need to get it to me by noon tomorrow,” she replied tersely and left as soon as she came.

“Bloody hell, Sherry, my boy Ben will deliver! He’s never failed us before,” said Hugh.

I smiled at Hugh, nodding my thanks.

“Let’s all dress how the British do tomorrow,” George suggested. “It’ll be capital!"

"We’ll all have a jolly good time," Juna added, tittering behind her dainty handkerchief.

The next day, we all wore our best British aristocratic outfits and kept the outfits.

I knew I had to work on getting the best office gift baskets. I needed a distraction. Watching The Office gift baskets episode wasn't helping but it did ease my anxiety.

I began picking at the lint off my gray-striped trousers and straightened my cutaway tailcoat.

“Why Ben, you look quite handsome,” Corrine cooed, lavishly dressed in an empire silhouette, just like Gwyneth Paltrow in Emma. She handed me a glass of Pimm’s Cup, another Wimbledon treat.

“I do look dapper if I do say so myself,” I replied, using my gentleman’s cane to tip my black top hat in her direction.

Even still, finding unique office gift baskets was something I could do - it’s a simple enough task.

I inhaled the drink and got to work. By 11:45 a.m., I clicked SEND and sat back, relieved.

“Miss Juna. Would you care to accompany me to Merlotte’s? I’m in the mood for fish and chips,” George queries.

“ What a lovely idea,” said his wife, holding up one end of her hoopskirts to pass through the entryway.

You can imagine my surprise when Sherry came by 11:47 a.m., decked in a tight-fitting corset with bustling full skirts.

“Ben, I’m chuffed to bits. You really did it. Good job, old boy,” Sherry smiled, revealing her teeth.

The tournament lasted two weeks, but by the time it was over, the changes had stuck.

Everyone was having a great time, answering calls in their Brit accents, some cockney, most received pronunciation. Clothing attire was a mish-mash of different English century garb but it didn't matter - most of us were getting a kick wearing them.

Especially when George showed up in a British Parliament wig, his face powdered white, accentuated with a large beauty mark near his mouth. It was a real hoot, I could not stop laughing every time I saw him.

Funnily enough, corporate hasn’t said a word about the new staff fashion trend. We figured, as long as sales were up, they wouldn’t care.

Hugh casually asks if I had set up the code discounts for customized corporate gifts yet. His bowler hat was a bit askew as he tried to adjust his pin-striped tie.

If I hadn’t, could I also start on it for luxury corporate gifting companies as well?

“Not to worry, old chap. The unique corporate gift baskets will be spectacular and will most definitely impress them,” I replied, cheekily.

We hired a new guy last week and he was pretty confused at first but it only took a few days before he was all in it too.

Phil came from some tech company called Cache Dump. He was their sales intern but left there because he was sick and tired of getting pooped on by the birds inside the office and having his lunch stolen by raccoons.

I was stuck training him. I didn’t mind that at all. In fact, it takes a lot of pressure off me as the newbies usually take on my menial tasks.

As the new guy, he was puzzled as to why everyone was in a time warp, wearing old English garb, white powdered wigs and all. Phil thought that that was the office culture.

I laughed. With all our practice of speaking in British accents, he even thought it was real!

I praised Phil for his initiative and told him his creative corporate gift ideas were impressive.

“Mate, you’re acing at this. Thanks for looking into corporate gift ideas for executives and promotional gifts for customers. It’s a big help,” I said, patting his back.

“But when you’re talking to Shady Bacon’s clients, you need to talk in an English accent, yeah?”

He smiles. “You got it, mate.”