Corporate Gift Baskets Near Me

“I found another one!” Nigel shouted. He pulled a dead rat out from underneath his cubicle. That was the fourth one today. He placed it in the pile with the others. We had hoped that seeing their friends in such a gruesome display would deter the rest of the rats, but it seemed to have little effect.

“Hey guys, what do you think are the best luxury gift baskets?” Nina asked. She was hunched over her laptop, trying to find the best corporate gift baskets near me, aka near her.

“What for?” I asked. I saw something small and brown scurry in the corner of my desk. I tried to smash it with my stapler, but I was too late. Those little roaches were fast.

“I want to get unique gift baskets for the whole management team. I mean, it’s the least I can do for putting us in these lovely working conditions,” she winked. “Are you going to put some of our kills in the baskets or something?” I asked.

She gave me a look like “what do you think?” but didn’t say anything. Nina was a bit of a rebel like that. Keep that in mind for later, as it’s important to the story.

“Ooh, luxury gift baskets for her!” Nina exclaimed. “I’m adding that to my cart right now for sure,” she grinned.

“I’m curious, what would be in unique gift baskets for her? Like lingerie and lotions and stuff?” Ned chimed in. He was in the next cubicle, and he always liked to butt his fat head into conversations.

“I would think lingerie would be in a basket for him, no?” Nina replied. “How does that make sense?” I asked. “Think about it, why would she need lingerie if she doesn’t have anyone to show it off for?” Nina responded, pointing to her head. “But, what is he going to do with lingerie? It’s not like he can wear it,” I mocked her motion.

“I always thought World Market gift baskets were pretty cool,” Ned added. “No one asked you, Ned,” I said with an attitude.

Suddenly, our boss Neville came in. “Good news everyone! I just heard from corporate, and we’re getting the place fumigated!”

The office cheered. Just then, we heard a mouse trap snap. “Where will we work in the meantime? Do we get to work from home?” Nelly shouted from the back.

“Nope, you’re all working in my backyard effective tomorrow morning,” Neville replied. Nothing but groans.

The morning was unseasonably hot. But, I guess that’s what we get for living and working in the buttcrack of Texas. It was the middle of summer, and we were already stuck to our work clothes before we had a chance to sit down.

Today was going to be a long day.

“Alright, everyone, I have a decent setup out back, so if you’ll all just follow me,” Neville waved us all back behind his home. He lived in a standard McMansion, complete with three stories and all the basic elements you would expect. Bay windows, unnecessary alcoves, and clashing architectural features.

“Hey, I found some pretty cool corporate gift baskets near Texas. How many do you think I should get for management?” Nina whispered in my ear.

“You’re still on about that? I completely forgot,” I replied. My mind flashed back to the rat pile we had made yesterday. By the time we clocked out, twelve rats lay in a big circle. It was pretty insane.

“No, now I want to give them some real gift baskets. Like Austin, Texas gift baskets or something. As a reward for calling the pest control people,” Nina said. “This way, if they get the best gift baskets from Texas, they’ll be encouraged to do the bare minimum more often.”

“How does that make any sense? Corporations should do the bare minimum no matter what. You shouldn’t have to spend your salary to incentivize them,” I scoffed.

“What about central market gift baskets?” Ned stuck his fat head in between ours. “Ned, I swear to God, if you mention Texas food gift baskets one more time today-” I didn’t get to finish my sentence. We had arrived at our work station.

There was a giant tent in the backyard with tables set up in a zig-zag formation. Neville had placed fans and mini-fridges throughout so we could stay cool. “Oh, I did mention it’s BYOB, right?” Neville explained. He did not. At least the fans could provide some relief.

“Do you think Texas gift baskets for Christmas would be too on the nose, or what?” Nina asked. “It’s July,” I responded. She gave me a blank stare.

“Ooh, I got it, a Texas welcome basket!” She snapped her fingers.

The work was excruciatingly slow going. I had to stop every five minutes to wipe sweat from my face, and I was worried my keyboard would stop working because of the drips getting inside it.

I glared at the fan on my desk. Neville also didn’t tell us that they’d be coin-operated. This company really sucked.

“What do you think about corporate gift baskets near California?” Nina leaned over me. Her hair was stuck to her head, and I could see her bra clear as day through her white blouse. Ned was just staring at her. She didn’t seem to notice.

“We live in Texas, so why would you get gourmet gift baskets from California?” I responded, wiping sweat from my brow.

“Well, I found out that the main corporate office is in California. So, I was thinking of buying some Made in California gift baskets for the top executives. Unless you think I should go more regional. This site offers Northern California gift baskets or Southern California gift baskets,” Nina explained. Was she doing any work besides this?

“What’s the difference between them?” I asked. Anything to distract me from this suffocating heat. “Well, the Northern basket has a few grams of weed, and the Southern basket has fish and avocado,” Nina replied.

“Why not a taste of California gift basket?” Ned and his stupid, fat head chimed in yet again. “Ned, I swear to God!” I raised my fist and his hands shot up in a defensive position. “You said baskets from Texas!” He exclaimed.

Got me on a technicality.

Suddenly, we heard some kind of animal scream coming from the woods behind us. It was creepy, but we didn’t think anything of it.

Finally, it was lunchtime. Neville had set out a table of sandwiches and salad, and we all rushed over to it. We were famished. He let us get sips of water from a rusty hose he had laying in the backyard. Even though the water was scorching hot, we gobbled it up whenever we could.

“Ew, this sandwich smells gross!” Nigel exclaimed. He picked it up, and the bread started sliding off the top. “How long have these been sitting in the sun?” He asked.

Knowing Neville, the sandwiches had probably been there for hours. But I didn’t care. Slightly rancid sandwiches and wilted salad wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve eaten. It reminded me of the corporate gift baskets for employees we received a couple of years ago. It was the first and last time we got corporate gifts for employees, and they were already two years expired.

“What’s this?” Nelly asked. She was inspecting a basket at the end of the table. “A gift basket for group?” She was reading the tag. “Is everything wrapped individually?” I asked. She nodded.

Suddenly, we all scrambled for the basket. We didn’t even pay attention that it was part of the “gift baskets for employees working from home” package. Apparently, Neville qualified. Why didn’t we get office gift baskets more often?

During the commotion, there was another scream from the woods. But we were too hungry to care.

My stomach was rumbling. I was back at my table, and I could tell the mayonnaise from that sandwich had definitely turned. I wished I had scraped some of it off before devouring it.

“Hey, what are the best gift baskets?” Ned asked. “What the hell did I tell you, Ned?” I whipped around, ready to punch him in his fat face.

“Sorry, Nina had asked me to check out corporate gift baskets for clients while she stepped out,” Ned replied, a look of sheer terror on his face. “She wanted you to look up corporate gift basket ideas?” I asked. I felt a bit neglected, to be honest.

“Wait, how long ago was that?” I asked. “Um, about two hours. It was just before lunch. I typed ‘corporate gift baskets for clients’ into my search bar, but all I found was office gift baskets. Do you think those would work?” Ned’s stupid words droned on, and I didn’t really pay attention.

It wasn’t like Nina to be away for so long. “Nina!” I shouted. No response. “Nina!” I shouted again. Still nothing. Where was she?

After about thirty more minutes, we decided to split up and search for Nina. We also noticed that Neville hadn’t been outside all day. The prick was likely living it up inside with the comfy A/C.

“Let’s see, corporate gift baskets with logo, corporate gift ideas, and corporate gifts for employees,” I was reading through Nina’s search history. She always left her computer on and open for anyone to see.

“What about customized corporate gifts?” Ned pointed his greasy, sweaty finger at the screen. Part of me wanted to chew it off, but my stomach was still rumbling. “I see it, Ned! Along with luxury corporate gifting companies. Let’s face it, there’s nothing useful here!” I slammed her laptop shut. I heard the sound of glass breaking, but decided to let her discover any damage.

“Come on, Ned!” I waved his fat butt over to the woods. Most of the team was already out searching for Nina, but I thought maybe looking at her unique corporate gifts search would give me a window into her madness.

It didn’t help.

“Nina! Where are you?” Nelly shouted. We were all wandering through the woods, flashlight apps on our phones turned on. It was getting dark, and yet the air felt hotter than it was during the day.

“Okay, I bought the best corporate gift baskets already, but do you think I should upgrade to luxury corporate gift baskets instead?” Ned was carrying his laptop on his fat, greasy stomach.

“I don’t care, Ned! Just put a few luxury corporate gifts into the cart and get it over with! Nina’s missing, and she could be dead for all we know!” I shouted, and my voice quivered. I never realized how much of a work bestie Nina was.

“Ooh, she did ask me to buy some corporate gifts for employees, too,” Ned replied. It took all the strength I had not to strangle him right then and there.

“Nina! We got your stupid luxury gift baskets! Now come out and let’s go home!” I checked my watch - it was already after 6 pm. I didn’t want to be here all night. My stomach was churning now, and I regretted ever accepting this job offer.

We couldn’t even get office gift baskets for this.