Gift Baskets For Corporate

What do you consider a pest? Your office mate? The monthly corporate gifts idea meeting?

What about rats the size of my feet? (I wear a 10 ½.)

Well, when the boss walked in and announced the office was finally getting fumigated, the audible ‘hurrah’s’ echoed throughout our partitioned offices. And, none of us were known to get excited about much.

I’m pretty sure the last straw was when a plate-sized rat, in broad daylight, decided it was going to steal from the gift baskets for corporate that we spent days developing. (Yep, we are total kiss asses.)

And, I absolutely know that the luxury corporate gifting companies we deal with think we are bonkers for calling and blaming rats for disappearing our shit.

The one thing we weren’t sure about was where we were going to conduct our business. I mean, we are a little one-floor sorta startup, and none of us had Real Housewife mansions to relocate to. And, paying for space for a couple of days was ridiculously expensive, and the company wasn’t going to throw that sort of money to make us comfortable. (And, I swear to God had anyone said the word ‘remote,’ I would have hurled myself out of the two-story window.)

What we did have was a boss that owned a small personal ranch with a lot of land, not much of a house, and remote enough that we felt like it was a vacation.

The boss sent out a gift basket for group with the address, and it was outdoors-themed. We even got a scavenger hunt map that looked super fun. (Do you know how fun that sounded after months and months of Zoom ‘water cooler breaks’ or God Forbid (Zoom Happy Hour).

Because of those months and months and months of sitting at home, no one had ever seen the boss’ house, and pictures never do anything justice.

So, the buzz around the office the day before our day-camping trip was how big it was, the fun critters she had running around on the property, what we would bring, who would team up on the scavenger hunt, and on and on. We got zero work done, which was not great considering we were going to have to finish the week on a ranch.

It was giving us all inspiration. Our gift basket ideas for business clients were slamming. And, we sent our gift baskets for employees working from home so that they didn’t feel left out. We promised them lots of pictures, even though we knew they wanted to be there more than they wanted trail mix and wooden cutting board.

The boss’ ranch was a little bit of a commute, but how could I complain? I got trees in fall colors and a crystal blue sky rather than tall metal buildings and the sound of car horns.

Even with the drive, 90% of us arrived early. We were all pleasantly surprised at the tent sitting in a nearby field. And, when I say tent, I don’t mean a single or a double. I mean, it was half the size of a circus tent and would more than fit every one of us along with our laptops with tons of room to spare.

We were all super duper excited, and a few of us volunteered to set up the ‘office.’ We even got lucky and snagged a few edible corporate gifts and two huge luxury corporate gift baskets that were for clients that chose to leave us. (Breakups are hard, y’all.)

We were set for the next few days, and every single one of us was happy with our accommodations. It helped that it was a mild 68-degree day. It was going to be perfect, a dream, really.

Except, it turned out to be the opposite. The luxury gift baskets, the comfortable climate, and the jovial mood in the room gave no hint that things were going to turn nightmarish.

We nibbled on the office gift baskets and had our morning meeting. It was so lovely to be around humans and for those humans to be good humans.

Around 9:30, we started to hear odd noises from the woods behind the tent. The boss assured us that it was some of her furry friends. She had goats, a few sheep, a deer, and tons of other smaller animals that she loved far more than she loved any of us.

The noises continued to escalate, but she told us that the weather was causing the wildlife to be frisky. (I was jealous. The sex in my life never made me sound like that.)

When they started to get a bit closer, all I could picture was a bear bursting out of the woods and stealing our gourmet gift baskets, all Yogi Bear style. I wouldn’t blame them. They were some of the best gourmet gift baskets we ever ordered.

The office team pushed onward. We were actually getting things done. Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea for a permanent situation. It sure beats the hell out of working from my studio apartment for years.

Everyone took turns on their breaks to walk around the property. It was mostly in pairs, but not everyone likes other people. And quiet time can be personal.

We decided to tear open a couple of the best custom gift baskets at lunch. No one wanted to eat a heavy lunch, and unique corporate gifts have exotic cheeses and these little crackers you can’t just go grab at Walmart. (I’m hungry. Don’t hate.)

Jackson tapped me on the shoulder and whispered that Elaine was missing. Okay? She was likely enjoying the scenery and taking in the fresh country air.

With an even quieter voice, Jackson said he had not seen Elaine in over an hour. Was anyone else missing? Was there a romantic tryst we didn’t know about? Did something in one of the luxury gift baskets USA make her sick?

But, nope. Elaine was just gone. And we started to worry.

The noises in the woods had gotten quiet, but we barely noticed. We were too busy screaming Elaine’s name and hoping to God she would answer.

What we didn’t realize was that the boss was missing, too. Most of us assumed she had gone inside to work; I mean, why wouldn’t she? She owned this magnificent property.

But, she didn’t show up when we started to shout for Elaine. Jackson ran to the house, and the only person there was her Great Dane, Shane. (We should have known by the sad look on his face that something was amiss.)

The next idea we had was that this was all related to the scavenger hunt. So, several of us started working on the map. It was mostly silly shit like unique gift baskets with the following hint or unique gift baskets for couples as joke rewards for uncovering the next clue.

No Boss. No Elaine. More noises. More panic. No work. And, no idea what the hell is happening.

The clues dried up; the big reward was a gift certified for two of the best luxury gift baskets that Amazon offered.

Where could they be? We had one choice left. It was nearing 5pm, it was getting dark, and we were getting scared. But, we had to check the woods. It was the primary suspect in this.

Some of the office staff had to head home. They had kids, plans, or actual lives.

Most of us were hungry. The gift baskets for the group had run dry, we had begun to share the small bottles of wine and booze that some of them held. (We sent lots of those types of gift baskets for employees working from home. They need it more than us. On most days.)

It is long past 5, and we are still out here. One of the team leaders found one of the corporate gift baskets for employees, and it had exactly 12 crackers and one log of cheese. (There are literally 12 of us out here right now.)

I found footprints. Except, they aren’t human footprints. They are huge. They have four toes instead of five, and whatever it is, they seem to walk on three feet. Yes. I said three. Not two. Not four. Three.

Scribbling all of this down seems like the best way to make sure someone knows what is happening if we all die. Or disappear. I am pretty sure one of the two things is going to happen.

Because our cars are missing. More of us have disappeared. And, we are out of unique gift baskets for nutrition.

Send help.