Snack Box Gift Ideas

As I watch the clouds drift by from my window seat in the plane back home, I think about all the ways I'm grateful for life in general. Maybe it's the fact that the fresh Canadian air is still in my lungs, that I only had about two hours of sleep, or just the customizable snacks I'd picked up at the dispensary before boarding. But the fact is, I'm feeling all-out giddy, and even a little emotional, about the whole experience. This may have been that once-in-a-lifetime experience my folks always said I would need to get my head on straight.

I never thought of myself as the treehouse type. No, I mean really. Jackson Tandem was never an outdoor, adventure-seeking man. I spend the bulk of my days in a cubicle coming up with gift snack box ideas that could make me millions. And, let me tell you, I have a few snack box gift ideas that no one has ever dreamed up. Ever heard of chocolate garlic or dried wild fish? Didn't think so. But, getting out of L.A. for a full two weeks to vacation in a treehouse has given me eyes to see or something. My gratitude meter is somehow off the charts. So much so that I'm considering whether I should just give a free snack gift box to every one of my coworkers, my boss, and even my folks.

"Sir, you got a death wish or something? Fasten your seatbelt. We're getting ready to descend." A gruff voice snaps me out of my reverie. Geez—I thought flight attendants were supposed to be polite—and hot—but this guy looks and acts more like he just climbed out of the woods than me. I avert my eyes and do just as instructed before the lumberjack/flight attendant pulls out an ax. As the plane starts its descent, I mentally make my way back to all the things I'm thankful for, and, some dried wild fish sounds amazing right now.

By the time I get over my hankering for some weird foods I could tuck into the best snack gift boxes, I'm in an Uber, stuck in jam-packed traffic in downtown L.A. with a driver who insists that I call him "Spud." Spud's not so keen on deodorant, and, whether it's my imagination or reality, his car smells straight up like fermented wild fish, and the heat's not making the situation any better.

"Dude, you got AC? I'm roasting," I ask, taking a mental note to check out the best healthy gift baskets I could send this guy, along with a stick of deodorant and possibly some car air freshener.

"No AC here, man. Air-conditioning is bad for the lungs," he says, eyeballing me in the rearview mirror with a serious expression. OK, so I wasn't going to push Spud, it was his car, but AC couldn't be any harder on the lungs than three-day B.O. and what had to be a rank tuna sandwich under the seat. "You know, people would be a lot healthier without all these modern conveniences. The ACs, the cell phones, the 5G technology, the internet, the GMO foods that come in the best candy gift baskets, the ..." He kept going. Great. Stuck in L.A. traffic with one of those people for who knows how long, sweating like a pig, and no AC. I shut out Spud, close my eyes, and let my mind wander to the best food gift baskets I could pull together for the people at work.

Four hours later, I land on my doorstep, wave off Smelly Spud (new name, couldn't help myself), and unlock my door. Not one to receive a lot of snail mail most days, other than the occasional customizable international snack box, I find myself a little surprised when I find a literal pile of envelopes on the floor. I drop my luggage and gather all the mail, even more surprised to see that most of my mail is actually from my co-workers.

My heart grows three times its size right then and there, and then grows even more when I see that someone sent me a "customize your own snack box" gift certificate. I really do have a good team. Once again, my gratitude meter goes off the charts. Life is good. I mean, who else do you know that gets to go on a treehouse vacation, spend two quiet weeks dreaming up the perfect customizable snack box, and then actually comes home to a free custom snack box gift? It gets no better.

Later that night, drunk with jetlag, and filled to the gills after munching on my healthy snack gift box leftover from before I left home, I climb into bed. All I can think about was how special every one of my co-workers actually is.

I think about the time Randall had snuck a healthy snack gift basket into my cubicle because I told him I was going on an all-snack diet. I remember how much we laughed when the boss thought my Google searches for "healthy snack gift boxes for adults" on the company computer was something related to adult toys. I almost got fired, but when I explained, he laughed so hard that I thought he would pass out. One time, Janet, the lady in the cubicle beside me, had horrible gas and kept poking her head over the partition to ask if they were working on the sewer system. She had no idea that I could hear her ripping them off next door just before she asked. I wonder how I could give every last one of them a healthy snack box, no subscription, filled with just the types of snacks they would love.

There I stand, in the middle of my treehouse, waiting for a snack box gift delivery, when a giant rooster carrying a backpack slips past the big window. What the ...? Since when did chickens make snack boxes delivery? I hear the giant steps as the thing makes its way to the door, and that's when I hear it ... Cock-a-doodle-doo, Cock-a-doodle-doo. I swing open the door to the treehouse, and there that giant clucker stands. His beak opens, "Cock-a-doodle-doo, I've got a candy gift basket delivery for you!" he screams.

So shocked that I can't even move, I just stand there like an idiot staring at a rooster with a snack box delivery gift held out on one wing extended toward me. Strangely, the odd crowing is still drifting in from somewhere in the distance. Wait ... how'd I get back to the treehouse? That's when it hit me. I snapped open my eyes and grabbed my phone to shut off the rooster alarm. Good grief! That'll be the last time I combine jetlag and Canadian edibles. I check the time and spring out of bed like a ninja when I see I'm late for work.

After the debacle this morning with a giant chicken delivering the ultimate snack gift basket, I find myself wondering just what would have been in that snack gift basket's delivery if I'd stayed asleep long enough to open it. Believe it or not, the whole thing gives me an incredible idea. I'll pull together a gourmet snack basket for everybody at work, including the boss, and I just might make sure there's some fried chicken along with it.

And frankly, what a year it's been. I mean, this year was so stressful at the Online Fact-Checker Center that I found myself wanting to get away from everyone. And damn if we don't all deserve something for what we've been through. Hell, we should each get candy bar gift baskets just for showing up to work every day. We are the best people, and we deserve the best gifts. I mean c'mon. Someone should be tossing chocolate in our mouths as soon as we punch the freaking clock in the morning. This year has been full of craziness.

By the time I get in a new Uber on the way to work, I'm all worked up, craving chocolate, and speculating on which Amazon snacks would work best in each co-worker's gift. Some of them would go crazy over the more neurotic stuff, but I know at least a few would rather have the classic munchies. Poor Janet definitely didn't need anything that would give her gas either, at least not while I was her work neighbor. I grab my phone and get to researching "gift a snack box Amazon" online. When it comes to building a snack box Amazon has a good selection of funky stuff to choose from for sure, even some fermented options.

A few miles into the trip, I'm stuck in traffic once again, and it sure is hot in L.A. And crowded. My mind drifts back to my treehouse days. I can't believe I actually enjoyed it. More than that, I preferred it. I wonder what life would be like if I could invent the best snack boxes on Amazon and drag all my coworkers up to Canada in the trees to help me pull them together. Throw in a lifetime supply of dried wild fish and that would be the life.