International Gift Baskets

“So, it’s like you’re living in the trees. Have you ever heard of the Swiss Family Robinson?” I asked. My Uber driver muttered yes - I think he was just so entranced by my story that he didn’t want to interrupt too much.

We had been driving for 30 minutes after he picked me up from the airport. Normally, getting from LAX to Redondo Beach was about 45 minutes, but this traffic was intense. A stack of international gift baskets sat next to me. I brought them back from my vacation in Canada, where I stayed in a magnificent treehouse for three weeks.

As I continued telling my driver about the amenities at the treehouse, I started thinking about international gift basket delivery options. Or maybe I could bring the international food gift baskets to the office next week? I wondered how long stinky cheese would last before it goes bad (again).

“It was a really transcendent experience. I feel like my paradigm shifted completely during the trip. It’s like I was so far out of the box that I was synergizing with myself.”

My Uber driver was trying to focus on the road, but I could tell that he was a little bit jealous. I know I would be if I was in his position. But he’s a nice enough guy. I wonder if he’d accept a gift basket overseas coupon in lieu of a tip for this ride? These coupons are pretty valuable.

“So, what’s the best vacation you’ve ever been on?” I asked. “Um, I really liked Orlando. My family loves Disneyland, and they liked Disney World.” He responded as he merged half-heartedly into the carpool lane.

“Oh wow, that’s awesome!” I feigned interest, but in reality, Disney is such a basic vacation. Like, that’s totally inside-the-box thinking. I guess that’s why I’m a middle manager for a Fortune 500 company, and he’s driving me around L.A.

“This gift basket program is really awesome. You can get international gift baskets UK or other countries if you want. Or, if you prefer to stay local, you can get like a Disney basket or something, I think.”

My Uber driver stared at the gift coupon. I don’t think he realized just how valuable this coupon is yet. Once he looks online at the gift baskets UK, he’ll understand that I’m doing him a favor. Whatever miserable trinket he would give his wife for Christmas would pale in comparison to one of these gift baskets.

“Uh, thanks, man.” He snatched the paper and drove off. Three stars.

As I shuffled the gift boxes under my arm, my phone rang. It was Theresa from the office. I paired my Bluetooth earpiece and answered the call.

“Whassup my nig-”

“I’ve told you a hundred times to stop calling me that. I don’t know how I can make that any clearer.” Theresa snapped. What was her problem?

“Okay, slow your roll, girl. I just got home from my bitchin Canada trip. What’s the haps, T-dawg?”

“Can you talk normally? Why do you only talk like that with me? You know what - never mind. Did you see the numbers while you were away?” She sounded huffier than usual.

I stepped into my house, careful not to trip on the mountain of mail that sat next to the door. Three weeks of bills and international gift delivery UK magazines add up quickly. “No, I haven’t had a chance yet. How are they looking?”

“Would I call you if they were good?” She replied. She had a point.

“How did this happen? Everything was looking good before I left, T-Dawg.” I was staring in horror at the numbers on my computer. They were not good. They were not good at all. I was so stressed out I ripped open one of my international gift delivery boxes and started munching on the candy. International sweets always helped me calm down.

“Well, if you would have answered your phone during your little ‘retreat,’ we could’ve gotten ahead of this thing. But no, you were ‘transcending the paradigm’ or whatever. What did you even do, anyway?” Theresa’s tone cut through like a knife. Much like the knife I used to open the candy in my online surprise gift delivery.

“Funny you should ask. The whole retreat was all about focusing your energies and harnessing the power of positivity and abstract thinking. It’s as if your body is the box, and you need to step outside of it to-”

“Would you shut up!? We need to hop on a call with Distribution and Marketing to see how we can get these numbers under control. Otherwise, Central is going to crawl up my ass.”

“Hey, chill, T-Dawg, we’ll get this all sorted out. By the way, did you get your online gift delivery in USA yet? I sent one to you while I was away.”

“What? Why did you say it like that? It’s like when you asked me about my international birthday gift delivery last month. Who talks like that?”

“Oh, that’s just what’s written here.” I replied. “Where?” She asked.

“So, should we schedule a meeting for the AM T-Dawg, or what kind of strat you thinking?” I changed the subject.

“I don’t think we can wait that long. Can you hop on a meeting in 30 minutes?” She asked. “Sure thing, my nig-I mean, T-Dawg.”

“Whatever.” She hung up. I hoped that she received the best international gift delivery. I spent a lot of money on it to get her attention.

“Well, I think the problem is with sales, not marketing.” Bruno Spiester chimed in during our conference call. We had reps from all the major departments but no one from Central. We needed to figure out what happened before bringing in any of the big brass.

“Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you guys.” Lisa Rigel retorted with nasty energy, much like the gift basket overseas review I left that one time. “Why is it that Marketing is always blaming Sales? We’re the ones making money to pay your bills. What is it that you do exactly?”

“Guys, guys, it’s okay! We’re all on the same team, and we’re all screwed if Central sees that we don’t have a plan to get these numbers back on track.” I interjected to calm things down. I was still snacking on my international gifts, but I wished I had more.

“Well, if you weren’t gone for three weeks, maybe we could have intercepted these numbers before they spiraled.” Lisa responded. Some other people chimed in with a few “yeahs” and “that’s right.” Since when did I become the bad guy? Was everyone jealous of my bitching retreat? I was starting to feel like a gift basket, and these were all negative gift baskets Europe reviews.

“Well, the point is that the numbers are bad, and all of our asses are on the line. So, yes, it might have been his fault, but we’re here now.” Theresa spoke up. She always had my back, that olive-skinned fox.

“What if we just cut back on Manufacturing for a couple of weeks? Would that settle things?” Mike Brower from Accounting piped up. The call went silent for a bit as we contemplated his idea.

It could work.

“Hey buddy, I wanted to see how your retreat went - was it as transcendent as you thought it would be?”

My butthole relaxed. “Oh yeah, I definitely shifted my paradigm, and I realized just how much I was inside the box all along.”

“That’s great! I had a similar experience during my retreat. It really helped me focus my energies on the business. Since then, our bottom line has been super strong.”

I started to relax even more. I began picturing the international gifts online that I would buy everyone. We were really a great team when the poop hits the fan. A wave of pride washed over me as-

“Speaking of the bottom line - have you seen the numbers?” Boris’ words hit me like a ton of bricks.

We’re all screwed.

“Well, you see - the thing is-” I stammered. I started fumbling around for Christmas gifts international delivery packages. I needed some candy if I was going to make it through this call.

“What I want to know is how this happened. Don’t we have systems in place to prevent this kind of problem?” Boris replied. He didn’t sound angry, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. Boris was hard to read, much like the international gift delivery USA packages I would sometimes receive.

“Yes, we do have systems in place. Our team is strong, Boris, and we had a call yesterday to get these numbers back on track.”

“And?” Boris asked.

“We’re going to pump the brakes on manufacturing for two or three weeks to see if that can help these numbers get back to normal.” I started shoving candy from gifts to USA same day delivery baskets into my mouth.

Boris was silent for a while. Even though my job was on the line, I was still thinking of how to send gifts to Europe from USA and vice-versa.

“That could work. Let’s bring the whole team on a call in about an hour. Does that work for you? I’ll get the rest of the Central office too.”

“Um, okay, Boris.”

I had a lot of calls to make.

“Now, I know that this might sound bad, but Boris seemed enthusiastic about the manufacturing break idea.” I was in the car on the way to the office. The remaining international gift ideas boxes were sitting next to me in the passenger’s seat.

“Well, what does that mean exactly? Boris is hard to read, you know!” Lisa snapped. I decided that she would get an international gift delivery Australia. That would show her.

“I think we’re on thin ice, but I don’t think it’s broken yet,” I replied.

“Guys, let’s be optimistic about this. Boris and the rest of Central are pretty reasonable people. Plus, the manufacturing angle seems like it might work. I crunched the numbers, and it could pull us out of this mess.” Theresa chimed in. That’s my girl.

“See? We have nothing to worry about. These numbers are all under control.” I tried to sound as relaxed and chill as possible. Maybe I would get Theresa an international gift delivery Japan? She likes Japanese candy, I think.

“Okay, so we’re all in agreement? We’re going with the manufacturing thing?” Mike spoke up. Everyone said yeah.

Later that day, we were all fired. So much for international gift ideas.

Stupid Mike.