Gluten Free Snack Box Subscription

Here at Johnson, Johnson, Johnson, and Johnson Law Group, For the People…we enjoy our little holiday festivities. My favorite is Valentine’s Day when we go to Crystal’s Girls and Steaks, but the one around the corner is Christmas. Every year we have a Secret Santa gift exchange in the office. There is no discussion about what each other wants, so the gifts are entirely up to the buyer. Unlike most, I find this a great opportunity to get my creative juices flowing. The most fun thing to do at the law firm is see how many times I can sneak the words “meow” or “handbag” into my daily conversations without anyone noticing, so I seize any occasion to do something that arises. I once helped the janitor empty every trash can in the building and ended up telling him to take the day off. So, anyway, this year I am buying a gift for Denise in accounting, who coincidentally had been selected to buy me my gift last year. All she got me was some measly gluten free snack box subscription, and after the second box of gluten-free snacks, the subscription was canceled suddenly. I suspect she gave me the tail end of her already enacted subscription. The stuff tasted like stale air anyway. Obviously, I am tempted to buy her a bag of gluten free chips and let her feel the pain, but instead, I think I am going to get her the best gluten free snack gift box on the market. I’ll outdo her and see how she likes a gluten free gift basket delivery. As for the rest of the office, I hear Johnson is buying a gift for Johnson this year and that Johnson got Johnson for the second year in a row. That should shape up for quite a memorable Christmas.

In the days leading up to the Secret Santa gift exchange it seems the office has been buzzing, more excited than I have ever seen before for Christmas time. I have to admit that I myself am quite excited as well to get back at Denise. I had gone to the mall this past weekend and found a nice baking shop. In there they had all sort of options, but for Denise I found a gluten free cookie subscription box and an urthbox gluten-free subscription. That’s TWO subscriptions, Denise! And they haven’t already been used up either! That will show her. The worker at the baking shop showed me what was the best gluten free snack box, but then she showed me to the gluten free international snack box. This one was from Switzerland, and everyone knows Switzerland knows their sweets. In the end I decided on getting some of everything, damn the forty dollar gift limit. Once we finally sit down for the gift exchange i am practically jumping in my seat. The first person to pick up their gift is Johnson, and I am shocked to see the gift. A box of cookies from the baking shop!

Now that was an interesting coincidence. As I think back I do faintly remember seeing Johnson at the mall. Hopefully that gift didn’t steal the thunder from mine. I fight to get my gift to Denise before anyone else but am bested by Johnson. When Johnson opens his gift my jaw drops. There is a snack box amazon gift card, something I didn’t even know existed until I saw it on the wall at the very same baking shop! Johnson would be getting monthly snack subscription boxes for the next year! On top of that was one specially made healthy snack box from, you guessed it, the same baking shop. Johnson and Johnson look at each other. “Baker’s Boutique?” Johnson asks. “Baker’s Boutique!” Johnson replies. I dive for my gift but am once again beat to the punch, damn my short arms. In a twist of events Johnson’s father, John, has shown up with a gift for Johnson. I cross my arms and prepare for the worst. And wouldn’t you know, there’s a gluten free snack box amazon gift card. I am absolutely baffled, hoodwinked, bamboozled. Have I found myself is some sort of deep state bakery conspiracy, yet again?

This is when I put my foot down and take initiative. I cram half the office into one company van and tell Johnson to get in the other and drive the others. We’re going to the source. On the way to the mall I see a billboard for Baker’s Boutique advertising a gluten-free Japanese snack box. “Japan’s involved?!” I shout to everyone and no one. I can’t believe how blind I had been, with all the pieces staring right at me waiting to be put together. There’s something historical happening, and I’m right in the middle of it. Those gluten free Japanese snacks all but confirmed my suspicions. I’m running through the mall coming up with protest slogans in my mind like, “Muffins of Mass Oppression” and “Bake at 450 more like 1984,” when I see the sign out in front of Baker’s Boutique. “Forty percent off entire store,” it reads. I turn back to my coworkers, those who I once trusted most. Everyone is sheepish, knowing they all seized this fantastic deal. “Even you, Johnson?” I say. Before I know it I am a shirtless crying heap in the mall fountain. Corruption seeps into the sweetest of things.

Denise walks up to me and slaps me in the face, trying to pull me back to reality. “Truth is, Baker’s Boutique had a great deal and that’s the end of it,” she says. I tell her between sobs that I got her a gluten free subscription box with free gluten free box delivery. That means I’m part of the problem. “What problem?!” she shouts. I don’t know what is real anymore. I black out. When I wake up I’m in Baker’s Boutique, face to face with a gluten free box. Around me I see coworkers buying bakery materials and ingredients. When I ask what is going on, nobody answers. In that silence I finally admit the harsh truth, “I’ve never baked anything in my life.” Johnson kneels and cups my cheek in his hand and says, “We are going to change that, Wilmurio.” He helps me to my feet and we take advantage of that forty percent off deal like Baker could never imagine. I’m bakery illiterate but it seems to me that we have bought enough supplies to feed a small country. On the way out I filch one last gluten free box subscription for a rainy day.

The next day we return to the office with all our ingredients. The office kitchen has never seen such a frenzy as we inflicted. Johnson made use of a gluten free baking box he got from Johnson. We decided not to use Johnson’s gluten free, dairy free subscription box because we need some level of flavor. Turns out half of the office didn’t know how to bake either, so we sat back and learned while the rest took on the baking. As we watched I cracked open a gluten free sample box for the group to snack on. There were cakes, cookies, even a pie of some sort. Denise looked around for the treasured, “I’m in love with food gluten free box,” a collection of the best ingredients available, and with that she enhanced every baked good in the kitchen. Before the baking is done I slip into a nap in the break room, having eaten my fair share of the sample box. My dreams are for once unburdened by the anxieties and paranoia of a worldwide bakery conspiracy going on under my nose. When I wake up it is to the smell of apple pie. Best Christmas party yet.

In the end the full count is: three cakes, each of varying ingredients and sizes, four batches of a variety of cookies, and the biggest apple pie I have ever seen. This is all done with countless “best snack subscription boxes,” to spare. This Christmas party turns monumental for the moral of the company. My phobia of conspiracies is remedied, Johnson and Johnson are finally on speaking terms again, the office is now stacked with snack box after snack subscription box after snack subscription box healthy option to keep us fed for years to come, and somehow I end up scheduled for a date with Denise this Friday, she who was my mortal enemy just yesterday. But as for that day in the office, there isn’t much to say. Once those baked goods hit our stomachs it was like a sedative for each and every one of us. Some of us fought to return to our desks while others slept right on the carpet floor outside the kitchen. When I woke up at four in the afternoon the next day, my worst fears erupted from within me again. Could this have been an attack? What is Baker’s Boutique hiding now?