Unique Corporate Gift Basket

“Okay, everyone, are we all synced up? The show starts in fifteen minutes,” Gary, our boss, whispered.

We were all standing in the foyer, waiting for someone to guide us to the Oval Office. Most of us were glued to our phones, watching the countdown. Our favorite show, “Corporate Gift Baskets,” was going to start soon - right as we were set to meet the President.

“Um, I’m not synced up. Actually, I don’t even have the countdown timer,” Phyllis replied, raising her hand. “Phyllis, we’ve been over this; you have a flip phone, so you can’t watch the show. But, if you get a chance, you can steal glances of unique corporate gift basket on someone else’s device,” Gary explained. Phyllis looked defeated.

“I hope this episode they resolve the gift basket for office staff storyline,” Rashaad chimed in. He was one of those guys who looked up the show on its wiki online to understand everything about it. He was a total office gift baskets nerd, and it showed.

“I thought it was the gift baskets for employees storyline,” Renee spoke up. “What’s the difference?” I asked. “Oh, I guess there isn’t one,” Renee shrunk. She was always pretty shy. She kept her hair in front of her face like a shield.

“Okay, so here’s the game plan; we’ll meet the President, say a few words, and then get the heck out of dodge. With any luck, we can be watching on a big screen before the episode is over,” Gary explained. We had gone over this plan a dozen times, but Gary was never one to trust the plan. He always had to go over everything like 20 times before he’d be satisfied.

Suddenly, a secret service agent came into the foyer. “You guys all ready?” He asked. We all nodded, not looking up from our screens. The agent looked puzzled but ushered us out nonetheless.

This whole plan was set in motion last month when our CEO received an invite from the White House. At first, he thought it was a joke and tossed the letter into the garbage. However, when another one came, he knew it was legit.

“The President of the United States cordially invites you to meet him at the White House!” He read the letter in front of the whole office. “He is very impressed by your product, and he wants to see all the hardworking people behind it!” Our CEO beamed.

“We make an addictive mobile game, is the President saying he plays it?” I raised my hand. “It would certainly seem that way. But, regardless, we’re going Tuesday, May 12th at 8 p.m.,” he replied.

There was a collective gasp. “But, that’s when Unique Corporate Gifts is on!” Rashaad shouted. “I can’t miss my branded corporate gifts action! This week, they’re discussing gift ideas for VIP clients!” Phyllis chimed in.

“Okay, calm down, calm down. We’ll figure this out,” Gary stood up and tried to keep the peace. “What the hell are you guys talking about?” Our CEO asked.

“It’s this show about sentient personalized corporate gifts who get involved with each other. It’s like a soap opera, but with promotional gifts for customers and things like that instead of people,” Gary replied.

“Is it animated?” The CEO asked. “No, why would it be?”

“What if we all just streamed it the next day on Hulu?” Gary suggested. Groans and audible hissing erupted from the office. “Um, excuse me, but the highlight of my day is discussing luxury corporate gift baskets around the watercooler the next day,” Cheryl, who handled R&D, replied.

“Is that why you hang around the watercooler all day on Wednesdays?” Gary asked. Cheryl nodded with a smug look on her face. “Besides, if we don’t watch that night, we’ll have to avoid corporate gift baskets for clients spoilers. Everyone on social media talks about corporate gifts for employees that night, you know that, Gary!” Rashaad explained.

The CEO stared at all of us in stunned silence. I could tell he had no idea what was going on. “Is this like a new show or something?” He asked. “Um, it’s been on for ten years. They even started a spinoff called Luxury Corporate Gifts, but it sucks,” I responded. Everyone else agreed.

“Yeah, luxury gift baskets are all so spoiled and entitled. Not like the original,” Rashaad said. “Okay, so we’ll have to come up with a plan to watch the episode while we’re meeting the President,” Gary said.

We all nodded our heads in agreement. It was as if we were planning a heist, but the only thing we’re stealing is the President’s time.

The following week, we didn’t get any work done. Every day we would clock in and start working on operation Corporate Gift Baskets With Logo. Everyone had a part to play, and we had to be perfectly in sync if it was going to work.

“Okay, so based on our planning, here’s what’s going to happen,” Gary explained. He held a pointer stick and used it to point at the whiteboard. “So, basically, we’ll all just watch on our phones while the CEO talks with the President. If they want a photo op, we’ll have to smile and pose.”

“Well, I can’t make any promises. If the best custom gift baskets or corporate gift ideas are on screen at that moment, I won’t be able to pull my eyes off,” Cheryl replied. Some others nodded in agreement.

“Hopefully, it’ll be a commercial break at that point,” Gary suggested. “OMG, you guys, you won’t believe what I heard about corporate gifts for employees!” Rashaad butted in. We all came closer to listen. “Apparently, he’s gonna get involved with luxury corporate gifting companies, and he might go to the spinoff show!”

We all gasped, “But, he’s in love with unique corporate gift baskets! That would shatter her wicker heart!” I replied. “Damn it, can’t we reschedule this stupid White House visit?”

“I’m afraid not; I already asked,” Gary replied.

“Okay, so you all will just wait here, and the President should be in shortly,” the secret service agent explained. “You guys will get about 20 minutes with him, and then we’ll take some pictures, and that’ll be it,” he continued.

We all secretly breathed a sigh of relief. This would all be over soon. We stood around the Oval Office, trying to find the best position to watch. Most of us had earbuds, but those who didn’t have hair couldn’t wear them. Secret service made them relinquish the buds. Those folks would have to rely on subtitles.

“Okay, guys, best corporate gift baskets is about to start. I heard that the spinoff show, best luxury gift baskets, will be on right after. Probably because of the gourmet gift baskets storyline,” Gary explained.

“I can’t believe unique corporate gift baskets will get her heart broken tonight,” Rashaad explained. “I think she’ll wind up with best office gift baskets,” I chimed in.

“Oh, wouldn’t that be nice? It’s like they’re made for each other,” Phyllis replied dreamily. I didn’t know for sure, but I was pretty confident she wrote gift basket fanfic in her spare time.

“Shh, shh, it’s starting!” Cheryl whispered. All our attention turned to our phones. My heart was pounding.

Just as the episode was starting, the President walked in. Fortunately, our CEO wasn’t interested in gift baskets for employees, so he was able to greet POTUS and keep him occupied.

“I’m so glad you’re all here! But, um, what are you doing?” The president noticed we were glued to our phones.

“Oh, uh, they just love working so much that they can’t pull themselves away,” our CEO covered up our behavior. “Wow, I wish I had people that dedicated. Sometimes, I think my secret service wouldn’t even take a bullet for me,” the president replied.

On screen, employee gift baskets for $25 was about to hook up with gift baskets for employees working from home. They were cheating on corporate gift ideas for employees, and the action was getting pretty steamy. I had to undo my tie; I was getting so hot and bothered. I glanced over at Phyllis, who was watching on Rashaad’s screen. I could tell she was cooking up some slash fic in her mind.

“So, who came up with the game idea?” the President chimed in. “Oh, it was our resident creative team, Lyman and Cheryl.” The CEO pointed to Cheryl and me. I half-heartedly waved back. I didn’t see his face, but I could tell the President was a little disappointed with our behavior.

After about fifteen minutes, the President was getting annoyed that none of us cared about him. It wasn’t personal - this episode was just really good. Unique gift baskets had proposed to the best luxury gift baskets, and the stage was set for some intense drama.

“You know, most people are pretty thrilled to be at the White House,” the President crossed his arms in contempt like a little boy. “Shh!” I replied without thinking.

Suddenly, gourmet gift baskets appeared. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. They argued with luxury gift baskets for a bit, when unique client gift ideas appeared from the shadows, brandishing a gun.

We all held our breath. The President said something, but I didn’t pay attention. “Die, unique office gift baskets!” Gift ideas shouted. There was a bang, then darkness. When the picture resumed, customized corporate gifts lay dead on the floor.

“Oh my fucking god!” Rashaad screamed. We all gasped and covered our mouths. “What the hell are you guys doing?” The President asked.

The game was up; our cover was blown. But we were all so careful…